i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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