I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
