my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
well you can't waste a boner
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Randomize
