i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
