we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
