foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
