So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
