You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
