to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
