She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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