how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
