butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
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