I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Randomize
