He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
