They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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