Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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