It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
