my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
