ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
