I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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