Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Is Oprah even human
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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