It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
