Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
