can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize