Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Randomize
