I skipped work to stalk him.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
