my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
