Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
