Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
