The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
