so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
