i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
