I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
