life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Michael Bay diarrhea
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
