I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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