dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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