My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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