I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
