WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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