I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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