Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
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