oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I just had sex on a roof
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
