Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
