You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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