I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
