hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize