so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
nutella sex= disaster
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
