I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
