It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
