Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
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