So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
