I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Randomize