you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Is that strawberry winking at me??
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
