seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
