We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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