We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
