oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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