He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
