he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
