I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
