I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
