She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
This baby is an asshole
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
