cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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