two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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