You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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