If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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